Confession: I’m a Sasshole


If you’re like me, you receive the phrase “shut your smart mouth” from your mother at least 1,000 times a day. I know, I know. It’s not your fault, you were born with it, but when someone says something slightly annoying or ignorant, you turn right into a sasshole. What is a sasshole, you say? A sasshole is someone who is incredibly sassy, but also a little bit of an a**hole. You’re entertaining at best, and offensive at worst. Your friends and family put up with you because more often than not, you’re insanely hilarious with your snappy sassholian comebacks and phrases. Of course, true to your nature, if they didn’t put up with you, you wouldn’t care. You’re not afraid to get under people’s skin and you often do. We love you, we hate you, and we could not live without you. So, now you’re really wondering, Am I a sasshole?  Here are some ways to tell:

1. You’re incredibly blunt.

You are always the one who says what everyone else was thinking, but afraid to say. Do you care? No!

2. You have NO filter.

Why would you not say whatever is on your mind? Who cares if you offend anyone; your thoughts need to be heard.

3. You judge and you can’t help it.

There is always an inner-monologue going on in your head, filled with judgments. It’s not your fault; it’s the sasshole inside.

4. Everything that comes out of your mouth is sarcastic.

And here is where the moms just don’t understand. No, you weren’t being sarcastic! It just sounds that way. (At least that’s what we tell them, right?)

5. You think most people are slightly dumber than a box of rocks.

Really, how could anyone be so stupid? Why would any person alive think that? These thoughts are ever-present for us sassholes. It’s a curse, really.

6. You usually tell those people they’re stupid.

Look, it just comes out. This is why we don’t have many friends. Hang in there, we sassholes gotta stick together.

7. People think you’re heartless.

This isn’t true. We sassholes most definitely have a heart. It’s just heavily guarded by sarcasm, comebacks, witty phrases, and a RBF.

8. You suffer from RBF.

Resting b*tch face. It’s a real condition, I tell you. And we can’t help it.

9. You’re not afraid to blast anyone, at any time.

10. You really enjoy said blasting.

11. People think you’re extremely rude.

You really aren’t rude, you’re just honest. You don’t care to tell people the truth and you always will. Friends: beware when asking a sasshole for advice, they won’t sugarcoat it.

12. That fine line between sasshole and a**hole that I mentioned earlier? You cross it daily.

So don’t worry, you crazy sasshole. I feel your pain. Rock on with your sarcasm because the world needs a little more laughter and dry humor in it. Some people wont understand that you really aren’t the worst, rudest person they’ve ever met, but I do and I applaud you and your sass.


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